I recently had the experience that I am sure we all have at some point if we are in business for any length of time: a trusted source no longer feels trusted… what to do??
What I know is that the reason we choose particular people/companies to do business with is not necessarily because they are exceptional at what they do, nor do they always have the best price. 
We do business with them because we trust them and enjoy a real connection with them, so when that trust and connection is broken, it has a big impact on us professionally and personally.
From my recent experience, I am noticing that in both business and personal relationships, breaking of trust totally taints our image of every action, every word, and every intent — to the point that we can no longer be in relationship the same way with or do business the same way with that person.
Needing to be conscious of the tenderness of this situation has had me really thinking (and learning again). I share my main learnings below to help reinforce them for myself and to hopefully give you some food for thought (and action!):
1. It is so important to remain in BEST SELF. Staying in best self while being angry is hard to do!!! But it is also possible. I am working at this one in a big way, even though I have to confess, I am NOT always good at this!
2. It is important to get clear on our vision of what we want and not confuse our vision with our ego. UGH, another hard one!! I’m noticing again that I get really tangled up when someone feels “entitled” to something; yet at the same time, it is important to stand firm in valuing ourselves and our vision… OUCH, this is fine line again, especially when trust has been broken! It is also a fine line when money enters the scene. It has been important for me to quiet my mind and be with by BEST self (a place of love and compassion) to answer the question: “What is it that I want and need in this situation?”
3. What gets us beyond the mess of the situation is honest compassion for the other. If we can get to honest compassion, we can accomplish anything together… and if we cannot, generally the relationship moves to a different level that we hopefully get to design together, or we have to be ok to go our separate ways. If we walk away with compassion in our heart we have done our job and stayed in the path of healing. If we walk away with anger still brewing, it is our own loss (and responsibility!) to sort out with ourselves, on a usually much longer, more difficult timeframe.
UGH, the tough situations we have in business! Just know that if you are facing challenges in your own business relationships, I feel your pain…and I know that with a clear vision and honest compassion, you too can find a way forward!
I just re-read the 4 Agreements and I must say the reminder was perfectly timed. 1. Don’t Take It Personal, everyone says and does from their personal space and time at that moment, regardless of what your personal feeling or impressions are. No one really knows what the other person is thinking or why. 2. Be Impeccable With Your Word speak your truth out of knowledge, not out of reaction or anger. 3. Do Your Very Best and know that it is your best and that’s enough. 4. I do not remember that exact phrase but never ever gossip. Speaking ill of someone else hurts ourself as it hurts another. The statement that effected me the most was that in forgiving we take back our energy that has been wasted on negative thought. It is a gift to ourselves not the forgiven. Trust is a fragile thing, I know that to be extremely true. One never really knows where another is coming from or why. We can not judge. We can only do our very best. If it was easy everyone would be doing it.
Here are the exact agreements.
“The Four Agreements
1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
4. Always do your best. ”
— Miguel Ruiz (The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book)
Robin, thanks for the 4 Agreements reminder … they are truly life-changing, and life-guiding!
Hi Lorin
Thank you for this article. I was burnt so badly by a person I trusted that it has almost ruined my life. I lost my job, had to pay out $32.000 in legal fees and had my reputation tarnished across Canada. It is a long story that has been going on for years. I have turned this situation into a positive by starting a new company to help people determine who can be trusted, based on their criminal record check.Please do visit our website http://www.ihonest.com and feel free to share your opinions. Being treated so poorly by a person who turned out to have spent time in jail for fraud has been the most debilitating experience of my life.
Lorin, your “honest compassion” point is so very important! Oh yeah, it can be very very difficult to find compassion in the midst of the relationship gunk, but it is SO powerful.
So very true and good to think about for difficult situations. I think we all struggle if we are honest to stay at our best self. Good luck with the situations, ladies!